Uncategorized Archive

Time is an illusion but those damn toys aren’t. If I ever step on another piece of random Lego in the middle of the night in sockless feet I might just shut myself in a room. With all the Lego. Build a wall Lego around me: (like Trump’s Mexican Wall) to keep people out. Short labor intensive people for whom these toys were all bought. With a peephole. I’ll take enough books in with me to last the duration and my Barbie and swimming pool set from the eighties to keep me company. I’ll probably get my weights and do some free weights so I can emerge from my self imposed exile. Stronger. Fitter. Like Linda Hamilton. And with the conviction to gather and dispose of all the bloody toys from Christmas’s past. Except my own: My Barbies, My teddy bears and my pink Rainbow Rabbit.
Heck, the kids wouldn’t even notice the clear out. They live online these days. In a kind of virtual reality where they primarily interact with their peers on line and drop out periodically to take care of their physical needs.   Like all others of their generation, my children are obsessed with their screens. The best brains at this apex of human civilisation has spawned a game called Slime Rancher. Where you spawn slimes. And yup, ranch them. On a planet far from Earth called the Far Far Range. Sigh.

I’m not worried about my kids nor do I censor them unless they’ve really pissed me off or trashed property. It’s a hopeless exercise. Their Dad was on his first computer at the age of ten. He was teaching himself to programme. Not to ranch slime but he dedicated himself to teaching himself mastery of  an ancient PDP-11 made by Digital Equipment Corporation and especially imported to New Zealand by his Dad who passed the Thirst for Knowledge gene onto his son and hopefully some of our kids. And hopefully they will eventually wind up employable despite the unfettered screen time.  Or we’ll all be successful Ranchers of Slime. They may never move out of home but the boys will stop peeing on the toilet seat at some stage. That is all I ask for. A clan of boys that can pee straight and girls who can ranch alongside the best of them.
Note here: (It’s actually Legos in Northern California. (We say “toemato” and the  rest of the world says “tomato”!
We’re special here in these parts. All Californians are a bit special. At the extreme end on everything. Aspirational. Extremely political. Always on the take. It suits me perfectly! I’m political, intense and interested in money. I guess it’s natural that California is such a singular entity. It’s a State of bounty and extremes.  Fires don’t burn, they rage. We don’t have seasonal droughts, we have five year droughts. We don’t have standalone cities. We have a Megalopolis that is Northern California stretching down through the sparsely populated San Joaquin Valley and meeting LA and the urban surrounds. LA is the most notoriously built out and sprawling urban area but here in the San Francisco Bay Area we’re well acquainted with this phenomenon.  San Francisco joined up with San Jose a long time ago which in turn has stretched up through Santa Clara County in the time we’ve been here. Resulting in a burgeoning population as everyone realises we’ve got the best weather over here on the East Bay. This side of the Bay Bridge used be called the “bedroom communities”, as in it’s where you slept and San Francisco or San Jose is where you lived. Now we’re a thriving popular destination in it’s own right. Thanks largely to having a reputation as a good school district and great access to Mt Diablo and cycling and walking trails.
Like the bigger cities, here where I live is also borderless,
Walnut Creek/DanvilleAlamoSan Ramon. The cities all run together. All around the Bay Area. It’s like living in one big doughnut shaped city.
To me growing up, in New Zealand. In a village, a city was a bunch of houses surrounding a business district with an industrial area public amenities like museums, a library and parks. A municipal area  and a mucky part of town where the comedians hold gigs and prostitutes ply their waxed wares and entertain the politicians. Roads running into the town and out but there are distinct borders to normal towns and cities beyond which is bare land to the horizon or a natural feature like a Mountain Range or the Sea.
Here in the Bay area, where the cities have all merged together, I live on the border of two of the above cities. I shit you not. The cities are divided down a road. On one side of the road the residents are zoned for one city and on the other side, just like a miracle or using platform 9 3/4’s you step into a neighboring city.

Surprisingly. This doesn’t preclude the existence of wildlife. We’ve encroached on their territory and they’ve responded by taking up residence in pockets of undeveloped  urban areas. I am told on good authority we have a family of bobcats living within a mile. They’ve made their home in a neighborhood gully. I went walking Saturday morning with friends and we took our dogs. An EBMud (drains, water and infrastructure service ) Guy drove passed, stopped and wound his window down and warned us he’d just seen a coyote off a local road. He was really concerned and a really nice guy. He offered us his pepper spray. “I’m like, wait did this guy just show us a can of pepper spray, fuck! brilliant”! Meanwhile he’s telling us wasp spray is the next best thing to deter coyotes. We chat for a while about the local who is feeding up the local predators by trapping ground squirrels and leaving them out for the coyotes because he hates those gosh darn squirrels. Shaking our heads about the fate of the squirrels, me and the other Moms continue walking unperturbed by the possibility of encountering a coyote. No bobcats before breakfast today. Just good conversation and the anticipation of great coffee here on the foothills of Mt Diablo in the Far Far State.


Your local friendly bobcat. But do carry pepper spray just in case. The smaller size not the bear size. Wasp spray works just as well.


Discuss and share:

Become enlightened.
Get the newsletter:

North Korea lobbed another ICBM overnight. (Intercontinental Ballistic Missile) The U.S. navy had a  standoff with Iran.


And Facebook shut down an A.I. project when it realized the machines were more interested in talking to each other than humans.

Facebook Shut Down An Artificial Intelligence Program That Developed Its Own Language

Discuss and share:

I spend a lot of time sitting around waiting for the other adults to come home. So in this way I liken myself to the animal cast of The Secret Life of Pets where Max the terrier jumps around so happy when his owner comes home. I’m literally counting the minutes down until hubby gets home. Unless we’re fighting in which case he sometimes walks in to be met by Frosty the Snow Woman. And now I’ve got reason to be doubly excited with Markus the Au Pair. Another adult in the house Yeah. Apart from being easy on the eye he’s good company. Did I mention he was easy on the eye? Haha.

Can you tell I crave adult human company?
If I could sit here and read write all day I’d be good. But there’s shit to clean. I’m a housewife, right? It’s so easy to find myself overwhelmed by the never ending housework. Large house. Lots of kids.

BTW I hate housework. I can be good at it but I’ll never be houseproud. Because two fucks I give not. It’s just the way I am. And you can’t read while you do housework. At least not very well.
Many people I know love keeping their house clean. I say people, not women, as guys can be as houseproud as woman. Not my husband. He is completely content with the level of disarray I find acceptable. Just one of the things I find so endearing about him. Neither of us mind walking on our clothes on the way to bed. In fact when we were flatting with ten other flatmates in a Warehouse flat in the 90s/ 2000’s they’d walk on my clothes on the way to sit on the bed and shoot the breeze.  Hence the tendency to barge into rooms.

But I’m grown up now. Though thinking about it, those were fun times. I might just go back to that. Only accept visitors sitting up on my bed and a cigarette holder with a newspaper  I’ll probably end up sleeping under that night. I was never short of reading material I could just push to Derek’s side of the bed when it got too much.
Be fun right?

No. Not with kids to ruin the party. And it’s not like people can just pop in through the door. By the time they’ve wandered down to the Master bedroom they’ve got bored, had a coffee and been surrounded by natives and left early. Probably all for the best. It wouldn’t be very American. The American way is to throw glitzy dinner parties and stand around chewing over minutiae, slagging off whoever is absent  (the woman) or talking about sports (men) . Everybody behaves properly and there is no fancying, just side eyeing who’s best dressed or too skinny,  (the woman) or who has the latest toy ( men).
I love it. They’re not really dinner parties such as gatherings of pockets of the community who might only bump into each other in passing. Same as any where else we’re pleased to see the kids are all okay, things are going well, the house looks good and to engage in a session of mutual back patting at how awesome we are at holding dinner parties. Okay that’s American.

Then everyone rolls off home; finishes off the best part of a bottle of wine or tub of ice-cream, with or without the spouse, goes to bed well satisfied and wakes up early next morning to wrestle with the housework, go to the gym or finish the PTA minutes.

Life’s good. Busy but good. I’ve gamed the washing process. I’ve found it’s easier to fold the washing as it comes out of the dryer rather than put it all in one basket to sort out later. Later never comes, it just leaves you screaming like a constipated donkey while you shake the unmatched socks out of a tangled up sheet while you hunt for the last pair of girl undies. “Where are the undies!” Plenty of boy undies with four boys.

Technically they’re panties here in California. Boys wear undies. And with one girl, sometimes she just has to suck it back and wear the tighty whities.

Check out this video of Barack Obama singing Shape of You by Ed Sheeran.

Discuss and share:

As you all know, I live in a tidy (tidy, meaning you need serious coin to buy in ), little enclave bordering Walnut Creek. It’s beautiful and vibrant due to the combination of it’s location (facing the sun) and on the foothills of Mt Diablo with all it’s flora and fauna, (that includes tarantulas, mountain lions and rattlesnakes and many other types of snakes for that manner. It’s a community that draws in an eclectic bunch. Well the old folks are pretty staid but us with newer money sure know how to ruck it up.

So anyhow. Easter time in Alamo.

It’s weird how Spring Break did not coincide this year with Easter and how fully commercialized the celebration is. In Germany and New Zealand you have Friday through Monday off. The shops are shut and you grill with your family. Drink beer and eat meat. Not so in aspirational California.

Friday the kids are at school and I’m navigating Safeway. The parking lot at Alamo Plaza is a basket case by 8.30am. Quiet one minute and then the panicky wave of humanity descends. You have to be a serious cart jockey to maneuver through the isles. I still have the time and space to have a ten minute discussion with Janet in deli meats about how our favourite brand of baloney has been discontinued. I side-eye the substitute then take it anyway. Americans are masters at the art of discussing minutiae. The back and forth is like a game of ping pong. I used to struggle and drop the ball, the other’s party’s eyes would suddenly glaze and bring the convo to a quick end. Now I can parry like a pro.

Then I check out. Lloyd who retired and then reentered the workforce helps me out and we have a ten minute discussion about his stint in Berlin in Germany where he was stationed for eighteen months in the military police in the 50’s. He had a Fraulein who’s father was quite high up. He spent most nights eating at their house and enjoying the local beer and sausage.

Oh yeah. I learned from Markus recently a few new words. We had a reasonably relaxed Spring Break. A lot of packs of beer were demolished. Primarily by hubby and Markus. I won’t confirm or deny if I currently drink but I can say I’ve done a lot of research in this area in the past.
Drinking before noon in Germany has a specific term. Direct translation is “Early Shopping”. Fruhshoppen.
As in “Hey dude, what are you up too”?
Dude 2 “I’m early shopping

Commence high fives.
Must look up the translation for that. What we used to call in New Zealand a roadie (as in one for the road) literally translates to “foot beer”.

Yes we talk shit a lot Markus and I. Maybe we’ll wrestle one day. My twin daughter Kaelyn called for a shoulder ride from Markus after Kindergarten that same day. I did suggest he give us all shoulder rides in order of age. Hasn’t happened yet.

Finally I get away from Safeway. Thirty minutes chattin’ and thirty minutes shopping. My eyes are prickly and red and my nose is a little drippy. Everyone else is the same. Allergy season. Everyone looks a little crossfaded due to the high level of pollen in the air. Either that or maybe there is a disproportionate number of pot smokers here. Could be the case. You can certainly smell it everywhere. Both my Au Pairs have commented that it’ll waft past while out driving or walking.  And here I thought it was a skunk!

We collect the twins from Kindergarten and go home to make dyed Easter eggs. You blow out the white and yolk using a pin to make holes and then use dye to color them. This was Markus’s idea. I’m transported back in time to when I did it as a kid. A lot of fun.

That was Friday. It’s egg hunt day Saturday. The wonderful Rotary organise this annual event.

An American egg hunt is something else. Hundreds descend on our local park. By 9am the carpark is full. Parents are a little jaded but we yank ourselves out of bed to do the traditional. Plus you cannot miss one of the biggest social occasions of the year. Many of us wish our kids have aged out but the brats still want to do it this year. After one roadie and a coffee from Safeway I’m fit to go.

Love that about Americans. The culture is so celebration oriented. Not like Kim Jong Un styles but definitely all the community will turn out for the children to chat and talk about minutiae. I learned a lot about everyone’s planned vacations to Mexico this morning. Including a scorpion catching jaunt!

Kids are all lined up in fighting form behind the tape. At 10.am prompt the whistle blows and the kids launch forward. It’s over in seconds. The victorious emerge with their spoils (plastic eggs full of candy). The losers grizzle a little but are entertained by balloon animals. I’m proud of my kids. They did well this year. Me and my little Buzz (boy twin) walk home and I’m stunned by how green and beautiful it is. Maybe the effect of the roadie is settling in.

Sunday is church. So this morning the wave of Alamo humanity descend on the New Life church. 9.30am service. It’s probably fairly irreverent to say but it’s like someone has slipped us a tab of acid on the way in. We grab our coffees find our seats and the band starts playing and praising. We’re all clapping and raising our hands. Yup. We’re in the dark, loud music and rocking and clapping! Nightclub styles! The Presbyterian church has nothing on this 🙂 In between songs and sermons broadcast live on three screens over the stage we laugh and meet other church goers. The pastor knows how to lift a crowd that’s for sure. It was great.Coffee and cookies after and then probably wine for many.

And now. At home sacrificing pizza for dinner cooked by hubby. I’m exhausted after the three day observance and celebration. But probably not as exhausted as Markus who volunteered wearing a bunny suit for the San Francisco Bunny Run.

Happy Easter.





Discuss and share:

Mind if I mace it:


This is the ultimate I’ve got my period song.

Discuss and share:

Happy Anniversary to your Grandad Kim Jong-UN

So basically yesterdays world crisis was a complete fizzle. What a come down!
Kim Jong Un doesn’t test a nuke, all he does is parade a few ballistic missiles essentially made out of the equivalent of a few toilet rolls, aluminum casing and poos. See above.

I mean seriously folks! How do you deal with a loose cannon like Jong-un. There is no nation on earth that wants KJU to have full nuclear capacity. So it was awesome that the caprious leader of the Hermit Kingdom can be persuaded to see reason.
It only took China moving 150,000 troops to the border. And the fancy footwork of the Chinese Foreign foreign Minister Wang Yi saved the day. He is the standout player in this political version of Dancing with the stars.


Recap:  Trump both sticks it to Russia and drops a big bomb (MOAB) or Massive Ordinance Air Blast (Mother of all bombs) on an Afghanistan tunnel feeding the efforts of ISIS to gain ground.

Trump recently realised that it wasn’t a case of “lets be friends” with Putin; that there is a very real threat to the US by Russian Hackers and Putin is not going to move on Assad in Syria over any number of convos over chocolate cake. (More later)
And that hot mess in the Middle East is sucking up US funds like nothing else and Russia is not coming to the party. So Trump doesn’t have any reason to disbelieve the same intelligence that Clinton was privy too (that caused her hawkish views on Russia) and throws support behind NATO:


Yup. Trump preempted a little land grab action by Putin by landing 8000 US soldiers in Kalingrad. Putin’s pissed and they’re no longer potential poker buddies.

I can’t imagine either world leaders golfing together, unlike Obama and his political equivalents, but I can see them playing poker each with a pistol under the table on their knees.

Not gunna happen! This after Trump threw support behind NATO.
Putin is rightly cagey and no-ones talking. Putin isn’t going to waste his time supporting Trump with whats going down in NK> But Hulla! we got a little potential nuclear action about to go down. Japan is freaking out! China’s worried about the trade implications as they are North Korea’s major trading partner. But there’s no way they can ignore Trump’s calls to get involved in the debacle brewing next door. But if China overtly looks like siding with the U.S, this will stir a hornets nest on crack.

Kim Jong-un has a survivalist brain beneath the bad haircut. He will look to the examples of Gaddafi and Hussein who suffered the fate they did not having adequate nuclear capacity, and go ROGUE.

Facing the juggernaut of a combined China/US relationship, Kim Jong Un can afford to fire off a few arrows from the ramparts (which would really hurt mostly South Korea, Japan (hence the upset in Origamiville) and Taiwan) and then become unresponsive to all communications while the rest of the world mops up the outcome of his doofuckery!
Major loss of life. Huge global instability and Putin will make hay while the sun shines so that’s got Latvia, Estonia and Poland and NATO breathing like a woman in labour.
The Chinese are very aware of all this. How to bring all sides together to bring to bear on North Korea and calm the waters?

Being fully informed that Trump will primarily act in the U.S. interests and go North Korea alone, causing significant loss of civilian life but preventing greater future loss of civilian life over many more nations!
What a fucking horrific quandary; so then China side-eyes the U.S. sending Wang Yi into discussions with the Russian Foreign Minister to remind them they share a border with North Korea (along the lower Tuman river)

Chinese Foreign Minister Wang Yi made the appeal in a phone conversation with Sergey Lavrov, his Russian counterpart, after telling reporters that conflict could break out “at any moment”.


All of a sudden the boy with the bad haircut is being pressured by both China and Russia who are distancing themselves from the U.S. and he backs down.

Brilliant play.

Bouquets go to China for the best diplomacy in history

And Trump. A bit of brinkmanship maybe and many are all kinda shades of pissed at his bodacious leveling of the playing field but there is now clear consensus that North Korea needs to be demilitarized. Expect Russia and China to bring to bear pressure on North Korea tradewise. Both countries will gain in the process and both these big nations have much to gain.

Russia to look South in it’s political influence instead of trying to stare down NATO.

China to establish it’s presence as a World Superpower (if they shut up about the monk (Dalai Lama’s visit to India) and Taiwan for a while.


Sometimes you gotta give a little ground to gain a lot.

I’m a housewife. I have a lot of time on my hands.

Wanna see a dickpic?


Discuss and share:

It’s 3am. I’m awake. Call it insomnia or call it a result of my Sunday night consumption. We had dinner at our Country Club after swinging golf clubs on the driving range for a couple of hours. I took one for the team and in the immortal words of Ed Sheeran: I drank fast and then talked slow”. (The Shape of You, Ed Sheeran.)

In taking one for the team, I determinedly set about drinking more than is responsible both as a functioning member of society and in obligation to keeping my body in peak condition. I did this because we had a big week. It was an Every Nighter.  Every night we had a social obligation. And as everybody who is anybody in our neighborhood knows, you cannot attend these kind of events and not drink. I rolled into my son’s best friends birthday party Tuesday and Bestie’s Mom sidles up to me and says: “Would you like a shot of Tequila?” Bestie’s Dad cruises my way within seconds and asks: “Would you like a shot of Tequila?” 🙂

So the kids played and had fun in their world and Bestie’s Dad and I set about making short work of the first bottle of Tequila. Thank you Mexico! for taking your distillations to the world!! Tequila is wonderful stuff if you know how to handle yourself. It has a relaxing efefct in moderate quantities like no other alcoholic beverage. It has a sting in it’s tail though if you over consume. The sting of the Paranoia Juice. You can easily spend the next day gazing from bloodshot eyes wondering if everybody can read your mind and know what a dick you are 🙂

So anyway. I’m at the Club Sunday night after a big week . The other trigger was the golf staff telling our kids to be quieter and tuck their shirts in! I know right. How Anal. Eventually we’ll all be old Shirt-tuckers and Killjoys but I hope when that day comes I remember what it’s like to be a young kid or young at heart and keep my beak out of other parents business and keep it  in my Whisky Sour where it belongs.

So I exact my revenge by getting loud and demolishing Margaritas. I yak it up with one of the other golfing Dad’s until I’m told I’m too loud by my Au Pair Markus and I finish up and slink home behind my judgey, judgey husband and new Au Pair, Markus from Hamburg. They are both experts at judging me and my fickle behavior! I’m fine with that. Whatever rolls their wheels.

So I’m in bed by 9pm. Everybody else settles in to watch a kids movie. Thank fuck I’m out for the count. I do not relinquish my will to watch kids movies easily. It’s a special kind of torture if you get a bad kids movie. I call it the Simba effect.

I’m just kidding. One of my favourite movies is Secret Life of Pets.

I had five hours sleep and overlapped with hubby going to bed at 1am. just checked in with my oldest son Ozy at 3am. He’s gaming. He asks for food. I tell him I will fix him something if he promises not to judge me. I’m rewarded with a big grin! I explain to him that our new Au Pair Markus is a similar personality type to my husband and they are both keen to ensure I keep my Flaky Writer shit together.

Oh yeah! We have a new Au Pair. Philip from the village in Northern Germany went to a new family in Chicago. We are now hosting Markus from Hamburg! He’s awesome. And hot. My Cougar Mom friends informed me of his hotness factor! Thankfully. Being a busy Mom of five kids I may not have noticed without their input!

Philip was a good driver, companion in the household and we used to dicker around commenting on the crazy busy American Starbucks, lifestyle. Markus is an entirely different character! He’s settled himself in and counts himself as a fully fledged adult member of the household with all the God given rights to hang with hubby and drink beer until all hours! I’m totally jealous. My husband and my Au Pair  get along so well! We recently visited Tahoe.

Hubby Derek gave him time off for two hours to ski all the slopes at Diamond Peak. Hubby took two hours to ski alongside. And I got two hours to sit at the lodge bar and drink. We’re all happy with this scenario!

I’d have ski’d more, but as you know I’m recovering from a devastating stroke  which caused complete paralysis in my early thirties. I’m stoked I have met my personal goal of donning Ski Boots (Men are hot in ski boots!) and approaching the gentle slopes of Diamond Peak ski resort.


The view from the top of Diamond Peak @Incline

Hubby is full of himself as usual!

My happy husband skiing Diamond Peak

Never get taught to ski by your beloved. Derek tried and I wiped out five times in melting ice. Then I had a session with a female instructor and wedged down the slopes quite comfortably.

Did I mention I used to be a cripple! Officially no longer! Well. I still limp but I’m sexy as fuck. Why do I make such a blanket statement? It’s a combination of how you perceive yourself and, dare I say it, working out. Fuck those cripple stereotypes! All is well in the world if you have one Number 1 fan. #1 Why not cover it off by being your own #1 Fan.

Happy Monday peeps! The unobtainable is obtainable! Excepting my Hot au pair Markus from Hamburg!






Discuss and share:

From: Philip W
Sent: Sunday, February 5, 2017 10:28 AM
To: Monique Watson
Subject: Homework haha 😀

Hi There! My Au Pair Philip has posed the following questions as part of the educational component of the exchange programme. As you know by now, I am an early waker. Today I  woke early and was consumed by and large and now must post these questions.

Good morning Monique,

  1. What do you think about the American “busy”  lifestyle?

There are many opportunities for children and adults! So we like to take advantage of the availability of educational classes and explore our interests. When we first arrived I studied French and photography through our local community education centers.  Now I am learning to speak Russian and Mexican and also study advanced photography.

Americans really love learning about other cultures. (There is an urge to travel and natural curiosity about other cultures.)

  1. Can you identify yourself with the American Way of life? 

Yes! I have always wanted to explore beyond the horizons 😉 In my native homeland that meant being familiar with all the local rivers and wildlife.  I lived in the province of Taranaki in New Zealand and our family has made a living out of hunting and fishing for generations; indigenous fish and game as well as introduced species like possum, rabbit and deer.

Being from a small country (New Zealand with a population of 4 million) arriving in America has given me the opportunity to connect with the world.

  1. Do you think some Americans show themselves busier then they are?  If you would say yes why do you think they are doing it?

No. I think that workplaces put a lot of demands on their employees. It’s the epitome of  a “Work Hard, Play Hard” culture! For men and women.

  1. What do you think what had contribute that American people are so busy (e.g technology?)

Technology definitely plays a part. We are especially cognizant of this; living in the San Francisco Bay Area. Silicon Valley has connected the world!
You can get away with a lot (And I do particularly with regards to Facebook)  but you can’t not be “ON” and available 24/7
You may as well be dead 😉
And Heaven forgive you should show your face at the annual PTA lunch if you’ve been a social shirker!

5. Being busy shows that a person has a lot to do. Of course it is better to be busy then the opposite. Do you think being busy could be a status symbol?

I’ve always believed in the mantra: “If you want something done; get a busy person to do it for you”! I have noticed that many American people are very capable in different roles. There is a tendency to muck in and “Just Do It”! American’s are a capable folk.

6. What do you think makes life busy?

A lot of Moms busy themselves with their children’s school life (and are busy with the PTA and education funds. so I think that volunteering in this capacity makes Moms extra busy on top of the usual demands of family life.
Many Dads are challenged by the need to commute an hour or more each day to get to their workplace and then fit in the demands of family life on top.

Of course this is all done with love and appreciation of the opportunities that the American lifestyle affords.


Thank you in advance :)!




Thank you 🙂



Discuss and share:

Tonight, the  prickly pear of resentment propelled me to the surface of sleep at 2am.  “Crap”, I sigh but here I go wandering down the hallway in search of words and the muse. Who kind of looks like Nicki Minaj because I cannot get “That Song”, out of my mind. Fuck what a cool muse though right? Right? Imagine meeting up with other writers. “Ah yes I say”. My muse is a strong black woman. Beat that suckers!

Where was I ?

Ah yes.

“How Do You know you’re a writer?

Did I mention I was a lush? A good portion of my life was spent non-practicing. To give my babies the best start in life. Gradually the wine crept back inn.  after  settling my breastfeeding babes I’d indulge in a book and a glass of wine. I’m not sure what that’s got to do with writing but it’s all part of it. Reading is an important part of the writing process.

As a gangly teenager whose knees would show,  I’d devour Shakespeare in our English classes. Meticulously unpick the copulets. I know it’s coplets. But my favorite Shakespearean tales are about fucking and revenge and at the end of the day it’s all begatting and begetting. Copulating; hence couplets.  Character based thrillers that pit father against son, family against family. If I had to choose any of the Shakespearean classics as a parallel to my life, it would be the Taming of the Shrew. In fact there was that time in 10th Grade where my first boyfriend admitted to me he thought it was my sister he was asking out.”

I’ll get my revenge on paper.

You’re right, the other classmates would die in a ditch before reading Shakespeare voluntarily. I’d do my sisters and her friends essays then pocket a dozen beer in return.

My first character in my minds eye in my minds eye came to me driving down our freeway the I680. I swerved and realised I wasn’t going to hit anyone  “Eliza Cruickshank”.
The moniker came to me unbidden.

My son, the second son and younger brother of brother of Brutus (his older brother was born on the Ides of March (March 15th) the day Brutus stabbed Caesar)is very creative. He came up with another. “Hey Mom, you should write about a character called Alex Slicer.”

I developed a storyline.

I’ll stop there. After outlining how the creative process has developed for me, (hope that helps someone out there. (No I don’t really) I have pull out my manuscripts and carry on. It’s just time and coffee that’s all it is.

It’s not a bad job description.

“Writer procrastinator; Creator of souls”.

And Housewife.


A great coffee machine for the home barista!




Discuss and share:


I started the blog. This one. It’s a keeper. Last one was awesome too.

I started a book. It was the story of “Destiny meets: “Hmm (thinking of a pseudo. Lets call me Monique. I’ll probably switch in and out of I We and and Monique because she’s mad in the head. There’s other personalities in there too.

Monique gets really excited because it’s so much fucking fun to start a venture but not much follow through in that one. I’ll write and make money. Perfect.

Stick with me.

How the fuck do you know you’re a writer unless other people tell you you are. “That puzzled me for years. (I’ll work out how to add a cuss warning but not just yet.) Having too much fun here.

There were warning signs in my path. I got second place in a writing competition Stratford. New Zealand.
Stratford on Patea  Best Fish and Chips. A New Zealand thing.

Note: And you knew right at that moment I wrote that I suddenly thought. I’m Channelling Shakespeare. (Because I’m egotistical and arrogant. Defn. (Like to produce great works without effort ) Somebody said I was channelling Rick Astley on a Political Blog the other night. I was so proud. Totally Toasted and having a great time.

Did a Journalism course. At Massey University New Zealand. Answer should be perfectly clear by now. I’m gettin’ along in getting meself a wee career in writing. Duh. I Like to write. But I’m a lazy arrogant lush at the age of 25 to be perfectly honest. I have to get more life experience.
It never occurred to me to get me in a writing school. But they can go get wrecked because the world has moved on and selling yourself is more important. Trump is in charge and he’s the master salesperson. Must try channel him.

Oh yeah. Got myself into family mode and had babies. And I was a goody good until I had a stroke and the ideas just flew when near a keyboard. Probably the brain damage. That’s how I knew I was a writer and destined to write crap and dream big.

So recently I realised the writings not happening. “What could it be I think?

Guess 🙂

I have to get some fucking discipline because loving writing is not enough. Passion is awesome. Passion got me out of bed at 3am in the morning because dogs were barking and I have a dog that knows me more than I know myself.

So I’m sitting here in a black dress with my mad brain because it’s better than being in bed with it knowing you have committed to write a book and document the path in 2017 in an effort to explore the process. As higher spiritual goal.


Discuss and share: